Assorted Ramblings- The story so far...

Seems to me like a lil' lean cuisine wouldn't hurt that much.
She ain't fat, she's just in need of an image make-over (or so she keeps telling herself). So that diet is doggedly pursued. It may never matter to him (whoever he is) but she's doing it for herself.

And so the pendelum continually swings
Its on the wrong side she feels but he says it does not matter.
No kidding...but then they would say that...right?

The thought of an inevitable union terrifies her. She won't admit it, but she's terribly independent. She doesn't know what to think about kids, but she's thinking of working with them... She's excited by all the possibilities and yet a bit scared too.

Ha! The Irony. More than a year later she's still terified. She's older and the dreaded union seems as inevitable as ever. Is it companion unsuitability? Or something deeper? who knows? Does she care? How many people have done it just because it needed to be done. Just a phase...right?

The bills? The car? The house?
She won't think about it. She thinks but she doesn't dwell.
Its forbidden territory. Her heart says it will be OK.

IT IS OK. Its become a cycle, but she will be ok.

She's lost her religion. She needs it back. It defined her for a very long time. 'Xcept its no longer religion. She's questioning any and everything. Did we mention her independence? Oh yeah. But she thinks about Him. What does He think of her?
Sinner? Lost? Confused?
She flirts with going back. Of starting over.
But words fail her and she's weak.

Sloth.
One of the 7 deadly sins, you know. Her biggest obstacle. Her head is ringing all the alarms.
No job. No money. Mounting bills.
She flirts with suicide. What if she could just disappear? That's why she goes to the Internet. But it is not that simple. An Alternate reality.

Sadly the same...she went back. Its never easy and there are still so many questions. She's still thinking thoughts like Heath Ledger.